In That Instant

disclaimer: I realize that my account of the events of 9/11/2001 doesn't even come close to those who were in NYC or DC and experienced the horror and loss firsthand.  But this is my experience and how it affected me:

Ten years ago, on September 11th 2001, I was one week into my study abroad experience.  We had just gotten back from a week of orientation in the Italian countryside and a few of us were meeting with the pensione owner to discuss our living arrangements.  I went into the room to tell the next girl that it was her turn to go to the meeting and I saw her huddled by the window on her cell phone.  I will never forget the look on her face.  When I asked what was going on, the girls said things like "attacks in US cities" and "plane attack in Pennsylvania".  When you are across the ocean, Pennsylvania suddenly seems like your small hometown.  Not to mention, I couldn't get a hold of my parents and was told that the city of Pittsburgh had been evacuated.  So, the safety of my father, who worked downtown at the time, was questionable.  One of the most frustrating parts was when we turned on the little TV in the living room area--what little English was coming through was quickly dubbed over in Italian.  I could only make out words like "war" and "plane".

In an instant, being in Italy felt like a burden.  It seemed like we were robbed of this amazing life experience.  All I wanted was to get back to my family.

Without hesitation, I placed a call to Mark.  I had this tugging feeling: to call and tell him how I felt about him.  If it seems dramatic, that is because it felt dramatic.  When you meet the love of your life at 14, it can be a bit confusing and doubt creeps in.  But, at that moment, I was sure what love was...and I needed him to know.  Of course in my panic, none of it came out like it would in the movies, but that moment has stayed with me ever since.

Pieces of information started to come together over the next several days until we had the complete picture of what had happened.  We attended meetings to go over evacuation plans to get us back to the US if necessary, and were issued travel warnings since a group of Al-Qaeda followers were thought to also be living in Milan at the time.

Eventually, as the semester went on, things slowly started to get to a new normal.  And, studying abroad certainly ended up being life changing.  The deep bonds that were formed on that trip will last a lifetime---we were all we had to cling to.  We also got to see our country through different eyes.  There were definitely people who were hateful.  But, the vast majority were extremely sad for us.  I even had people stop me in the streets (let's face it, I certainly don't pass as Italian) to express their devastation.

I learned a lot about how we are perceived in the world and, while I was extremely proud of my country and to be American, it was a good wake up call and a humbling and important lesson.

Since then, we have grown accustomed to the airport security changes and have not felt much of the burdens of war (except for our brave and committed military families).  Sometimes our new normal fits so comfortably again that we seem to forget life before 9/11.  Everyone says "we will not forget", but what does that really mean?  Do we remember coming together: despite race, religion, political affiliation or sexual orientation?  For those moments afterward, none of those things mattered.  And yet, it seems like that unity and hope and resolve slowly turned into a justification for division, fear and hate over the following 10 years.  Sadly, many religious leaders even responded that way.  It took me through a bit of a struggle to return to my faith, realizing that I did not have to subscribe to this growing mentality; but rather that faith should be more about God and our response to others, to really be His hands and feet in the world.

I hope that the events of that day remind us, not just of the hate and evil that took place, but of our unity and love of neighbor.  When I think about what we will teach Owen and Nora about such defining moments in our history, it is overwhelming.

But, I suppose on a some level, it is simply about love prevailing over evil.