It Takes A Village

There is a constant knot in my stomach. The feeling that there is always more to do and not enough time to get it all done.  The feeling that while I pursue one aspect of who I am, I am failing at another. I know I am not alone in this, either...it seems to just be part of this season of life.  So, I think I have finally come to grips with what I am about to openly admit:

I don't think we are meant to do this all...at least not at the same time.

Don't get me wrong, I firmly believe women should have the same choices and opportunities as our male counterparts.  But, let's face it--advancing your career, much less having one at all is a much different scenario for a man.  They don't seem to carry around the same pile of guilt or feel conflicted about going to the office each day. That isn't to say they aren't wonderful fathers who are extremely involved before and after work.  But, we are just wired differently...with different societal expectations placed upon us.

So, most days I feel like a walking contradiction.  It is like multiple personalities at odds with one another...and each day a different one wins the battle.  Rarely do they all feel valued and fulfilled in the same day. And, when one is feeling good, the others are right there to diminish, cast doubt and point out their inferiority. Never mind all the articles, or the ever-present opinions and judgments about who has all the answers or the best approach.

But then the other day, as I dropped off the kids and headed back to work with tears in my eyes, I suddenly had an epiphany. I started thinking about the defining moments in my life...and the people who were there. I thought about the unconditional love, support, guidance and lessons that my parents taught me.  But, even more than that were the experiences and relationships they fostered. And, what an impact those had on shaping who I am---the perspective offered while up my Grandpa's knee, advice from my Aunts, late-night heart-to-hearts with my sisters (who are my fiercest allies and closest friends), belief in my potential from a teacher, lessons learned from friends, love and acceptance from my husband...

The saying, "it takes a village to raise a child" is so true.  But, I think it also takes a village to make a mom (or dad). When I think about the village around me now, that feeling of failure and inadequacy turns to gratitude for what the kids will be able to learn and experience from others, beyond my limitations. Gratitude for the people who will impact their lives in amazing ways, and lovingly guide them to think bigger, love deeper and live bolder.

Leaning on our village helps to create happier, stronger families and communities. So, enough with the illusions of superiority, endless comparisons, or casting shame because of our differences, choices or circumstances. God has woven these people into the fabric of our lives so that we don't have to go it alone or take it all on ourselves.

I know how much my village has enriched my life through diverse experiences, beliefs, backgrounds and perspectives. I only pray that we give that same gift to Owen and Nora as they grow.