Just My Style

There was an article in the news recently about why French parents are superior.  While it paints a broad stroke over French child-rearing that I doubt is entirely accurate, it was a good reminder and offered some encouragement to those of us who ride the roller coaster of good mom/bad mom anxiety.

What I loved was the self-assurance; the lack of doubting or comparing. And, the unapologetic structure of authority--being firm and consistent without the power struggle. It does seem a little unfair to compare situations with a country who supports maternity and paternity leave (well past our measly 6 or 12 weeks), healthcare and lots of other public services to ease the stresses. But, we could definitely learn a thing or two about being consistent, dialing down the guilt and just doing what works best for each of us.

I certainly don't think that being a parent for a little over 3 years somehow makes me an instant expert. But, somewhere along the way, you start to realize that your instincts as a parent are the best match for the needs of your child.  Other people may have opinions, but their situations and experiences are not the same as yours---and every child is different.

But, the bigger lesson, to me, isn't about unruly children or parenting styles.  It is about us parents. There is no one-size-fits-all parenting approach...and I would guess that European kids have meltdowns at the market or talk back once in awhile. So, I think we need to take a harder look at our culture---and ourselves to really get it. Our kids would learn to be patient if we showed more restraint and self-control.  We have become a quick-fix, impulse-purchase, drive-through-processed-food consuming, instant gratification-addicted society.  We have way too many things on our plate and wrestle with unrealistic expectations daily.

(And again, let's compare this to a culture that takes midday siestas and does more than just talk about valuing family).

When did kids stop playing outside with their neighborhood friends, building forts and using their imaginations? All of the sudden, they are expected to join competitive sports by the age of 5 and people are suing preschools for teaching 4 year-olds about shapes and colors instead of preparing them for "elite" elementary schools (since that is sure to provide a lifetime of success and happiness).  Even though I recognize that those are extreme scenarios, it is still hard to not get caught up in trying to do everything..or be everything.

So, if we can begin to accept ourselves and our circumstances, figure out what works best, and support each other---then we can get off the roller coaster...or at least slow it down.

And, in turn, we'll teach our children about patience, confidence, self-awareness, respect for others and authenticity.