It Starts with Me

Most people that know me well know how much I love a good discussion. When hearts and minds are open and experiences and emotions collide, and I am left feeling energized and renewed--with deeper understanding and new perspectives.

But, what I hate is that anxious knot in my stomach from unproductive banter that serves no other purpose than to keep us divided: right and wrong, winner and loser, black and white. With campaigns in full swing and the election around the corner, it is hard to feel anything but despair as I watch the debates, read the news or Facebook rants.

What has happened to our ability to respect and value different opinions?  Am I the only one who thinks it is just getting worse? Surely, we aren't arrogant enough to believe that our way is the only way or that we are always right. Wasn't our government designed with checks and balances so that neither party had full control---since neither party can adequately serve the needs of our country on their own?  When are we going to realize that we need each other and start to embrace our differences?

All of it is enough to make me want to hide under the covers until it is over.  I can't help feeling a little hopeless about this country's future, our inability to work together or that there is anything I can even do about it.

It is so easy to blame everyone else---the politicians, the government, the media.  Or, to believe that my vote doesn't really even matter.  But, I think it actually means a lot more than just checking boxes on a ballot.  It is our responsibility to set the tone of discourse and civility in this country.

And, when I look at Owen and Nora, my part to play seems so much clearer: teaching them the importance of respecting others; listening with an open heart; seeking first to understand; finding ways to serve others; being informed and passionate; standing up for what they believe in; getting involved; showing patience and compassion.

Awhile ago, I came across this "Civility Covenant" from Sojourners and saved it because I loved it so much.  As we embark on this election season, it seems like a perfect time to dig it back out and recommit:

1. We commit that our dialogue with each other will reflect the spirit of the scriptures, where our posture toward each other is to be "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry" (James 1:19).
2. We believe that each of us, and our fellow human beings, are created in the image of God. The respect we owe to God should be reflected in the honor and respect we show to each other in our common humanity, particularly in how we speak to each other. "With the tongue we bless the Lord and [God], and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God ... this ought not to be so" (James 3:9-10).
3. We pledge that when we disagree, we will do so respectfully, without falsely impugning the other's motives, attacking the other's character, or questioning the other's faith, and recognizing in humility that in our limited, human opinions, "we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror" (1 Corinthians 13:12). We will therefore "be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love" (Ephesians 4:2).
4. We will ever be mindful of the language we use in expressing our disagreements, being neither arrogant nor boastful in our beliefs: "Before destruction one's heart is haughty, but humility goes before honor" (Proverbs 18:12).
5. We recognize that we cannot function together as citizens of the same community, whether local or national, unless we are mindful of how we treat each other in pursuit of the common good, in the common life we share together. Each of us must therefore "put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body" (Ephesians 4:25).
6. We commit to pray for our political leaders -- those with whom we may agree, as well as those with whom we may disagree. "I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made -- for kings and all who are in high positions" (1 Timothy 2:1-2).
7. We believe that it is more difficult to hate others, even our adversaries and our enemies, when we are praying for them. We commit to pray for each other, those with whom we agree and those with whom we may disagree, so that together we may strive to be faithful witnesses to our Lord, who prayed "that they may be one" (John 17:22).

Regardless of party affiliation, it is up to us to take a stand against the fear-mongering, labeling and negativity. Afterall, my votes go beyond the ballot to the choices I make and life I lead. I can't complain about the world around me until I realize that it starts with me.