The View Along The Way

Sometimes it seems impossible to find quiet time in our lives--to disconnect from the meaningless noise and connect to our faith, to each other...to the simple joys of life.  It often feels like there is too much to do and too little time and I am left feeling scattered...unbalanced...inadequate. Finding time for myself feels so....selfish.  And, I have to admit that when the day is done and the kids are in bed, I usually end up zoned out watching TV, wasting time on the internet or finishing work.

So, when we started with the new sitter arrangement, the extra 15 min trek to her place seemed like a drawback. It means that I don't start work until closer to 9am on those days, which would normally make me feel rushed to get everything done.  But, it actually centers me and fills me with a peace I would otherwise miss. It has even become a treasured part of my day.

(disclaimer: this photo, which looks exactly like our morning route, is courtesy of yahoo images)

This morning, the skies were such a cheerful blue and we just enjoyed.the.view along the way. We noticed colorful trees, fire engines and horses.  We listened to Nora trying out her new words, "cracker" and "duck". We sang to the music, giggled and talked about the day.

I know that I need to be more intentional about carving out quiet me-time--to grow in knowledge and faith, instead of getting lost in life's distractions.  But, today, I realized that sometimes those spiritual moments can occur in between everything else we are doing: turning off the music to talk and connect, or slowing down to notice the beautiful view, or just being quiet in our thoughts and prayers.

"...the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand." ~ Henri J.M. Nouwen

Exhale

This weekend was full of all of the right things: family, naps, good food, quality time. It was the perfect combination of memorable and relaxing.  The kind of weekend that starts the week off on the right foot.  Aunt Becky came to visit Thursday night just in time for the neighborhood girls' night.  We recovered on Friday with a quiet movie night. I know she really came to see the kids, but it was nice to spend that time together, too.

Daddy came home on Saturday. We planned a steak dinner and had cookies in the oven as we waited with excited anticipation!

We were all a little giddy when he finally arrived. There is something about time apart that makes the time together count that much more. I have known this man for over 17 years, but suddenly our love felt so....young again. 

It was like slowly exhaling a breath I didn't know I had been holding. Everything buzzed with a wired peacefulness and contentment. Even the shift in weather--the chilly air and gray skies paired perfectly with the need to relax and just enjoy each other.

We got out long enough for a trip to Franklin Park Conservatory to see their Butterfly and Blooms exhibit.

They had some activities for the kids, like making recycled bugs:

and Owen even got to hold one of the butterflies:

It was such a perfect ending to a great weekend and a chance to notice the beauty in the small things.

Up Up and Away

Absence really does make the heart grow fonder...and wiser. Suddenly all the things you have been taking for granted become so obvious--things you have come to expect. So, time away is a good thing once in awhile.  It is a chance to shake things up and shift perspectives.  And, most importantly, gain appreciation. After all, commitment and devotion don't come wrapped in a giant bow saved only for special occasions.  It's the little things we do on a daily basis that show our love.

So, while Daddy enjoyed some much-deserved time away for a work trip, we made the most of our week here. Some of the highlights were:

--climbing up: a snuggly little boy who kept sneaking into bed with me at some point during the night. I should probably care a lot more about the bad habits I might have encouraged, but I am soaking up all the little snuggles and hugs before they start demanding that I drop them off a block away for fear of being seen with me. 

--cleaning up: there is nothing like the horrible chore of organizing closets and basements. This even included boxing up maternity clothes and itty-bitty adorable baby clothes (I allowed myself a moment, sniff sniff). Why do I get these urges with less help around? Maybe it was the shift in energy and the chance to create more peaceful space. But, it certainly made me realize how much stuff we have...and how little it all means. 

--catching up: enjoying the beautiful weather outside with neighbors, a trip to the zoo and some quality time with great women. There is something so comforting about being understood and encouraged.  It is only when we can be vulnerable to share our flaws and experiences, that we can really help each other grow.

--standing up: Nora has been working hard. This week she pulled herself up to standing all.by.herself and has also started crawling up stairs! 

Next week is her appointment with the specialists at Children's Hospital. We are thrilled with her response to therapy and are looking forward to their feedback and guidance.

--looking up: this experience specifically (and parenthood in general) has taught me a lot about worry.  My dear friend, Kate, shared this with me recently:

"When I am consumed by my problems - stressed out about my life, my family, my job - I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have a "right" to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities...

Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of whats happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, or lace of grace towards others, or our tight grip of control...

God has allowed hard things in your life so you can show the world that your God is great and knowing Him brings peace and joy, even when life is hard." ~excerpt from Crazy Love

Needless to say, I promptly ordered that book since it seems to be written just for me! Instead of getting caught in the cycle of worry, guilt and despair, it is a reminder to turn our gaze towards Him and let it go...up, up and away.

So, maybe this week has been good for all of us afterall.  A chance to de-clutter and see our blessings in a new light...to notice and appreciate all the little things that make a big difference. 

On Cloud Nine

It's not like me to look back and reflect on things, and especially share my thoughts. And to you regular followers, yes, the blog has been hijacked today by the Wiggwam Chief. 

I'm currently 30,000 feet in the air on my way to San Francisco for a week long training class for work. I figure I must be doing something right if they agreed to spend the money for me to learn more. All I know is that I love it, which is a stark contrast to six years ago. 

Let me take you on a trip back in time. Because sometimes you do need to take a look back and see how far you've come... 

I earned a business degree in Sport Management and had aspirations of working for a professional sports team. Anybody who knows my love for sports would agree that this seemed like a no-brainer. Four years after graduating college, I finally had my shot with the Columbus Crew. While I understood the commitment a job in this field required, I had only ever played out this scenario in my head as a single guy with all the time in the world. Fortunately, I didn't embark on that journey as a single guy. Unfortunately, all the time in the world was the minimum expectation for the job (these are the tiny details nobody tells you about when you're a 19 year old college kid). It didn't take long to figure out there were more important things in my life than this job. Having this job and a family (at least a healthy one) wasn't going to be possible. That, along with several other factors, caused the job to end…and my dream quickly faded. 

I found a position with Huntington Bank and quickly moved up to a manager position. While I enjoyed the job and the people, I soon found myself at a crossroads wondering where my career was headed. The path upwards included sales, which I learned from my time with the Crew I did not enjoy. I reluctantly accepted a new position to manage the tellers at a bigger and busier branch. It was a small step up, but I was afraid I might be backing myself into a corner working in customer service jobs my whole life (remember, I have a business degree in a field I didn't end up liking, and no other specialty skills to define my talents or pave my path). 

And then it happened--a chance discussion at a baseball game (work function) with an encouraging coworker. He just happened to have been assigned his office space at my new branch and had taken notice. He took the time to offer some great advice and connect me with someone in the IT department, who just happened to have an entry level position... 

A year and a half later, here I am on a plane to San Francisco for a training class to further the Salesforce Administrator certification I earned in December. 

All this is to say that it finally feels like maybe I was right where I was supposed to be all along. I have an amazing and beautiful (inside and out) wife and two wonderful kids all whom I adore. I'd say I am literally on cloud nine right now. 

I just can't wait to see what other "dreams" God changes for me while my head is in the clouds!

The Stirring In My Soul

I try to be positive, I really do. I am usually a "half full" kind of person, and often exhaust myself trying to find the lesson or a different perspective in the struggle.  I realize how fortunate we are and that most of the things we deal with are first-world problems: work-life balance, paying a mortgage, sticking to our budget, eating healthier, or figuring out my life mission.

But, when you consider how much time we spend away from the people we love doing things that we don't, it makes you want to STOP, de-clutter and re-prioritize (perfect timing with our overflowing closets, basement and toys).

And, that's where I get stuck. I am torn between desiring change and finding contentment--seeking God's true purpose for my life amidst the worldly expectations for my role or worth.  

"It might be a quarter life crisis or just a stirring in my soul.  Either way I wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdictless life.  Am I living it right?" ~ John Mayer

Most days I am just trying to do the best I can as a wife, mother, friend, and employee--keeping things moving along with some semblance of order and peace. I am not naive enough to miss out on the incredible blessings that each role brings. And, I realize the commitment and dedication they require. It isn't that they aren't enough for me...it is exactly the opposite. They are my motivation to go deeper. To get off the bench and get in the game. To move out of a comfortable "save-the-saved" empty kind of faith into what God truly intends for our lives.

So, where is that balance---of getting out of comfort zones and making a difference, or dreaming so big that we lose sight of where we are today and of what is around us (family, neighborhood, community)?

I often hear things like "you are just too idealistic" or "the time will come for that" or "you have too much on your plate with work and kids" or "that stuff is for other people to do". But, with my birthday around the corner, I think there is no better time to embark on a journey of self-reflection and discovery to a life of more simplicity and purpose.

No matter how long it takes, I won't stop until I find out why.

Empty Tomb, Full Life

If I am honest, Easter has never been at the top of my list of favorite holidays. The magnitude of its miracle is often overshadowed by the traditions and magic of Christmas.  And, the dark, painful details get lost in the hopeful and happy celebration of Springtime. But, without reflecting with open eyes, we really cannot fully rejoice. So, for me, one of the best parts of being a parent is seeing things through new eyes and carefully answering those curious questions. It is in those moments that I learn the most and am able to unlock new lessons about life and faith.

This Easter was more than just going through the motions (and eating lots of chocolate). Spending time with the people we love is always a wonderful reminder of how rich our lives are with love. 

The empty tomb and Christ's resurrection is more than the gift of eternal life at our death. It fulfills our earthly quest for more and transforms suffering and pain.  But, it is also a promise for a full and meaningful life. It is a call for how we live out our lives, how we invest in others, or offer forgiveness (even when we have the right not to)...how we love each other. Spring's colorful backdrop is a just the beautiful illustration in this incredible story of new life, redemption, hope and faith.

Growing Pains

"There is no growth without change; no change without fear or loss; no loss without pain. Every change involves a loss of some kind.  You must let go of old ways in order to experience the new. We fear those losses, even if our old ways were self-defeating, because, like a worn-out pair of shoes, they were at least comfortable and familiar" ~Anonymous

I can vividly remember those achy growing pains as a child, when you could almost feel your body changing. We experience them differently when we get older---like when we are stretched beyond our limits or taken outside of our comfort zones; when we learn new things and adjust our perspectives; when we are faced with an uncomfortable situation and have to face it head on, with no one to cling to or hide behind. But, they still mean the same thing: a time of transition.

And, there is something overwhelming about becoming that protection for our kids...when it is our leg they hide behind for comfort and security. It is such a fragile dance of holding them close and giving them wings to fly.

"My heart is torn just in knowing--you'll someday see the truth from lies. Castles might crumbles, dreams may not come true. But, you are never all alone because I will always...always love you" 

This week we are starting new routines and learning that taking the first step in a new direction is hard---even if it is the right direction. Opting for the easier path may be less effort, but the scenery isn't as vibrant and the view at the top less breathtaking.  And, we'd miss some important lessons---about staying true to who we are and doing what's right even if it is uncomfortable; or lessons about resiliency and adapting to change.

Afterall, change is inevitable. It is growth that is our choice. For all of its discomfort and anxiety, change brings bittersweet exhilaration--an opportunity to turn a new page and start fresh. To stretch our wings and soar even higher. 

It is so painful to pry those little fingers off of my legs or kiss them goodbye amidst the tears.  But, when the growing pains subside, we'll be stronger for it and we'll look back on the beauty of God's intricate plan.