The Stirring In My Soul

I try to be positive, I really do. I am usually a "half full" kind of person, and often exhaust myself trying to find the lesson or a different perspective in the struggle.  I realize how fortunate we are and that most of the things we deal with are first-world problems: work-life balance, paying a mortgage, sticking to our budget, eating healthier, or figuring out my life mission.

But, when you consider how much time we spend away from the people we love doing things that we don't, it makes you want to STOP, de-clutter and re-prioritize (perfect timing with our overflowing closets, basement and toys).

And, that's where I get stuck. I am torn between desiring change and finding contentment--seeking God's true purpose for my life amidst the worldly expectations for my role or worth.  

"It might be a quarter life crisis or just a stirring in my soul.  Either way I wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdictless life.  Am I living it right?" ~ John Mayer

Most days I am just trying to do the best I can as a wife, mother, friend, and employee--keeping things moving along with some semblance of order and peace. I am not naive enough to miss out on the incredible blessings that each role brings. And, I realize the commitment and dedication they require. It isn't that they aren't enough for me...it is exactly the opposite. They are my motivation to go deeper. To get off the bench and get in the game. To move out of a comfortable "save-the-saved" empty kind of faith into what God truly intends for our lives.

So, where is that balance---of getting out of comfort zones and making a difference, or dreaming so big that we lose sight of where we are today and of what is around us (family, neighborhood, community)?

I often hear things like "you are just too idealistic" or "the time will come for that" or "you have too much on your plate with work and kids" or "that stuff is for other people to do". But, with my birthday around the corner, I think there is no better time to embark on a journey of self-reflection and discovery to a life of more simplicity and purpose.

No matter how long it takes, I won't stop until I find out why.