Pulling Weeds and Planting Flowers

No matter how old you get, sometimes you just need your mom. When life gets crazy, there is something reassuring about her hug. And, somehow the house always feels a little cleaner after she leaves. Spending this Mother's Day weekend with my mom and grandma was like the peaceful calm after a storm. A chance to relax and spend quality time with people we love...the ones who know your heart, keep you grounded and, at the same time, lift you up.

 We spent most of the weekend outside playing, weeding and planting new flowers.

After a little while, the gardening started getting to my head, because I kept thinking about how it mirrored life--sorting through the weeds of self-doubt, guilt or worry and planting new, vibrant plants in their place.

Recently, my boss was let go from his position and I was asked to step into his role.  It took me the better part of a week just to process all of the conflicting, bittersweet emotions. Within the first week, I made two impromptu trips to DC and quickly found myself grappling with inadequacy and worry. For the most part, I have enjoyed the best of both worlds as a work-from-home mom.  But I am starting to realize what most other working-mothers must go through every day. Is it something they just learned to accept? Or do they just hide it well? Were all the fancy business suits and heels hiding a stain of guilt and longing underneath?

Can I do this? Should I do this? If I believe that God is in control and that his timing is perfect, why do I find myself unsure of his voice in this? And, where did he get this idea that I could handle all of this stuff--let alone at the same time? The negative thoughts start spreading in my mind like the weeds in my garden.

I'm not sure where this position will lead or how things will shake out.  It will definitely take some time to find a new balance and figure out what is right for our family.  But, I do know that it has already strengthened our marriage---our partnership, teamwork and respect for one another. It has shown us both what we are capable of and stretched us in new ways. And, the time away from the kids made our giggles, snuggles and stories so much sweeter.

So, much like the weeds in our yard, we spent this weekend clearing space to plant new opportunities and growth.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. What a blessing to share this weekend with you and gain strength from your love, encouragement and example.