Rainy Days

Exhaustion has unpacked his bags and decided to stick around for awhile.  It has been one of those weeks where nights are restless and morning comes too soon. The all-consuming battle of emotions rages inside. Each one dueling for the spotlight and each one equally as intense as the next: fear, excitement, relief, guilt, worry, hope...

And, just when you think there is no room for more...

We had Nora's appointment with the specialist at Children's, yesterday. After an extensive evaluation and discussion, she agreed with our pediatrician that an MRI of her brain and spine is necessary.  Just the thought of putting our sweet girl "under" for two hours is unsettling.  How do other parents go through this kind of stuff on a regular basis?  Somehow even knowing that this could be worse doesn't change the feelings of worry and helplessness.

We can't protect her. We can't do anything to change it. And as a parent, that is such an awful feeling.

Yet, it is such an important lesson...we.are.not.in.control of our life or our children's.  In these moments, we are forced to surrender our self-assuring attempts to control our lives and lean in closer to God and His promises.

This drizzly grey morning, on our way to the Sitter's house, Owen kept asking questions about where some of our friends and family live.  He kept saying, "why can't I see it, mommy?" and I was trying to explain that we can only see what is around us where we are.

It was as if his simple questions of geography were God's whispers to me.  The reminder that when we can only see what is right in front of us, He is still there--guiding us out of the rain and into the sunshine.

"Cloudy days 

Will Blow away  

Ominous sky will not always be grey.

You are the sunshine  

On rainy days 

And if i have sunshine 

A rainbow is coming my way" ~Sunshine by JJ Heller