Lessons Learned

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." ~M. Scott Peck

It always amazes me how easily our brains overlook errors when we know what was intended.  Five people can proofread the same publication at work and all miss "oustanding" because we know it is supposed to be "outstanding".

How often do we go through life with our eyes wide open and our minds on auto-pilot as we rush right through--relying on our intentions to be enough? 

This year began with the birth of our beautiful baby girl, who brought so much joy and completeness to our family.

Teaching us to slow down and cherish the fleeting, ordinary moments...

To hold on to the unprompted "I love you's", contagious giggles, and shrieks of laughter...

To dance in the rain and squeeze out the last moments of sunshine left to play...

To love life so fully and love others so purely...with arms wide open and without the bitter callouses from this world.

Oh, how I want to be more like that...

2011 was a year of reflection.  The kind that requires some deep soul-searching and comes face-to-face with some uncomfortable truths:

• It is impossible to be a people-pleaser and be authentic.  There is nothing wrong with making sacrifices or putting yourself out for others--if it is sincere.  But, doing things to avoid conflict or rejection creates anxiety instead of peace. Before you know it, you have lost yourself...and sent confusing messages to others about how to treat you.
• Setting boundaries is not un-kind or un-Christian.  It can feel uncomfortable and people may not like it, but the people who really love you will respect your boundaries. Saying no once in awhile doesn't make you a bad person---it actually makes your "yesses" more meaningful (see #1).
• Give people the benefit of the doubt. Everybody has their own insecurities, struggles and life experiences that frame their perspective and inform their actions and choices (just as my own insecurities affect my reactions). It may be hard to understand through your lens, but try anyway. "We judge others by their behavior.  We judge ourselves by our intentions."
• Sometimes it is all about YOU. People are in our lives for a reason--are we open to what they are teaching us? Or, do we waste our opportunity for growth by focusing on their issues and shortcomings instead of our own? “Bless them, change me.”
• Always trust your instincts and be honest.
• Don't hold back.  Offer encouragement. Give hugs. Tell people how much they mean to you and why. "The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they mean to you while they're alive."
• Time-outs aren't just for kids.  Slow down and take some time before responding or reacting. Usually, the situation gains clarity (or loses its emotional grip) with some space.
• You can't really forgive if you can't really forget. (Side note: not dealing with something is also not the same as forgiving).  Mark was right when he said that I have the memory of an elephant and tend to hold on to hurtful things.  I always thought that I gave people the benefit of the doubt---but I think I actually just hoped they would give it to me. I thought I offered grace and forgiveness---but I think I just depended on that from others.  Sometimes (maybe even most of the time) forgiveness must be offered without amends or even acknowledgement. That means letting go of the need to be right.
• Learn to choose your battles and bite your tongue.  Sometimes Most of the time, the relationship is just too important.  It is not a sign of weakness...but actually of strength, respect and love.
• Even though it sure would make life easier, things are not black and white. Anyone who believes that is just not thinking hard enough or considering other perspectives. Don't be afraid of the gray. "If your beliefs fit on a sign...think harder."
• Faith isn't always convenient or comfortable.  It isn't enough to just believe, or just vote or just support something. If everyone left the work up to others, nothing would ever change. Faith without works is dead.  There is never going to be a "better time" than right now to make a difference.
• Be present.  Don't miss out on this amazing gift of life...the laughter, tears, struggles and joy. So often we are focused on the next thing that we miss life today. Or, we clutter our lives to distract us from the kind of life we are called to lead.

So, as I look forward to a new year filled with hope and opportunity, my resolution is to learn from the past rather than dwell in it; to not lose sight of who I was created to be and where I am called to go; to really live intentionally...not just with good intentions.

Happy New Year!