First Frost

It is a perfect cup-of-coffee kind of morning.  The view out the window looks frozen in place by the first real frost of the season...hints that the weather outside is catching up to the Christmas decorations inside.  While that means getting out of my warm bed will quickly become painful, it also brings pure excitement: anticipation of the first snowfall of the season...and everything Christmas.

Its a funny thing being a mom.  You can even feel guilty for not feeling guilty.  It can become a disorienting whirlwind that leaves you unsure how you really feel vs. how you think you are supposed to feel.  But, I have to admit that I secretly enjoy when Mark rushes the kids out the door in the morning to drop them at the sitter and head to work.  I know for the next couple of hours, I have a quiet house.  I can get my work done and maybe a couple loads of the bottomless laundry pile, too.  And, as much as I love being a mom and wife...it is a welcome respite from the constant craze of taking care of something or someone.  

These quiet mornings help me take a step back and see things in a new light.  Just like the frost outside, life won't stay frozen forever. Pretty soon, budding flowers will emerge under the warm sun and nostalgia will set in for the peace that snow provides and the excuse to stay cozy by the fire sipping hot cocoa.  Even the frustrating and impossible moments and the endless answers to "why" become part of my list of "loves".  And, while I want to be present, part of that requires seeing past today to the bigger picture of the journey; letting my heart ache knowing that this time is fleeting and oh, so precious.

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you have now was once among the things you only hoped for." ~Epicurus