Connection

"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place". ~ George Bernard Shaw

I have a confession to make.  I doubt that I am alone in this, but I think I might have a slight (?) addiction to the computer.  In my defense, this is one of the downfalls to working from home.  It is really hard to shut things off.  But, when the first time you have a quiet moment to connect with your spouse it is after 11pm (and you've already emailed, checked Facebook and finished work that could have waited until the next day) you know you have a problem.

Call me old-fashioned, but what happened to writing a letter or thank you note, calling someone on the phone and having a conversation that doesn't involve texts, status updates or tweets?  Will our kids read actual books, play games together offline and develop relationships where they have to understand another perspective, make compromises and sacrifices?

Unfortunately, it seems like the sound-byte media we all love to blame has made its way into our daily communication patterns and relationships: we carefully choose what to share and then evaluate a person's character based on their online profile.  Things like tone of voice and body language are completely lost.  It leads to labeling, misunderstandings, and assumptions...and well, you know what they say about that.

A friend of mine recently said "in the land of Facebook, everyone is skinny, has the best spouse and kids and is out saving the world".  You begin judging yourself on this fake standard, questioning if you are doing enough in your own life and feeling like you are always falling short.  We have become more connected to people we don't know and less connected to the people we do.  One of the most amazing human traits is the need for love and interaction with others.  Yet, it seems like in this age of technology, we are actually becoming more separated, self-centered, divided and distant.

Of course, there are wonderful aspects of social media: re-connecting with old friends, keeping in touch with people, seeing pictures of their adventures or growing families.  It should be about expanding your network with meaningful connections that add value to your life.

Spending quality face-to-face time with someone without one eye on your phone, or having an honest discussion where the other person is encouraged to respond and share different perspectives...it is starting to feel like a hot commodity these days. Luckily I am blessed with some amazing friends and family, who remind me with their example that there is nothing like real human interaction: getting a note in the mail offering encouragement and love...or a phone call from someone with their own struggles and stresses taking the time to find out how you are really doing.

I am most centered in my faith, marriage and relationships when I disconnect from this false sense of community and focus on who and what matters most.  It can be quite a challenge, but the alternatives for what kind of world these kids will inherit is unsettling.  I hope they learn to extend themselves for others, and express themselves without having to count the number of characters...and that they'll live in a world where real connecting takes place...